


rhinestones in a diamond necklace might crack under the weight of the world (but oh how they shine)

by beepbedeep



Category: Atypical (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Izzie-centric, WOW THEY ARE SO GOOD, WRITE MORE FIC ABOUT THEM PLEASE WORLD, did you know that, fake deep but pretty i think?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-13
Updated: 2019-11-13
Packaged: 2021-01-29 21:50:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21417229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepbedeep/pseuds/beepbedeep
Summary: Izzie’s not perfect. Like, at all.
Relationships: Casey Gardner/Izzie
Comments: 2
Kudos: 77





	rhinestones in a diamond necklace might crack under the weight of the world (but oh how they shine)

Izzie’s not perfect. Like, at all. 

She’s pretty fucked up actually, with three loud, constantly moving, always hungry siblings (who she loves) her awful mom (who wasn’t always awful, who used to be great, and somehow that loss is worse than if she was just a terrible person) and the fact that all she does is hide her actual life from everyone else. But she’s good at pretending, really good, and she’s almost as good at running, so it works out. Sure, she’d like to be a little nicer, she’d like to have better friends, but the Clayton track girls aren’t THAT bad, and she doesn’t really have the energy to be nice. Not right now, when she’s maintaining her grades, leading the entire (messy, in every sense) track team, and making sure everyone who lives in her house stays alive. (some days that’s easier than others.) 

So she doesn’t really have the time to be fun right now, not when her whole life is an endless cycle of not letting anything slip through the cracks, but she has even less time to be pitied (ostracized, informally of course, because no one talked to “the scholarship girl” for over a week and she isn’t excited to repeat that experience if they find out how much she really needs to be here. (rich kids, she’s found, don’t like the taste of desperation, and that’s what Izzie’s bones are built from, but it used to be her skin and now that she’s pushed the terror and the wanting into a lower layer of her body, she is so much more palatable to Clayton.) 

But it’s ok, because Izzie is good at pretending. Pretending she’s not exhausted, pretending she didn’t fend off an angry drunk man in her own house last night, pretending she’s doesn’t need to leave practice right away so she can pick up the kids, pretending she likes kissing Nate, (which is FINE but not amazing but if she’s with him at least she’s not alone and being alone means Izzie has time to get crushed by the weight of her worries, so she’s never alone). 

The only person who knows about her real life (sections: Clayton Life, Real Life, and anytime she’s running) is Coach, who isn’t one for heartfelt talks, but asks “if everything’s ok” at least once a week (and Izzie can’t give a real answer to that question, but everything is the same as it always is so she says “fine,” every time and after a while it begins to taste less like a lie) and looks out for her scholarship and when Izzie is less than nice Coach doesn’t give her shit about it and maybe that’s not going to work out well in the long run (maybe Izzie needs someone to remind her to be nice, some semblance of a responsible adult, because otherwise Izzie will end up hurting people she loves, she knows it already, but moments of crisis are not for person growth and Izzie has been stuck in a burning building since she was eight years old). 

So Izzie snaps at people sometimes, and after their face falls she always wants to apologize, to say “I got four hours of sleep last night because a baby was screaming in my face for three, and I don’t understand half of my chemistry homework and yesterday afternoon I saw my boyfriend kissing some other girl in his car, and I need to get my times up, I need to work harder” but the words get stuck in her throat, because her problems aren’t benign, and she can’t afford to spit her whole life’s history out to just anyone at this accredited-but-hellish school, so she’s kind of a bitch instead. That last reason’s why she got so mad at Newton, back on her first day. 

The one thing, the only good thing Izzie has going for her, is track. She’s good at running, really fast, and maybe that’s a silly accomplishment but at least it’s something. And Newton, who has punched at least one person and is probably better than Izzie at the only thing Izzie’s good at, threatens all of that. (it isn’t until later that Izzie realizes she’d much rather have a friend than be the very fastest, as long as that friend is Newton.) 

The thing is, Izzie’s got edges, rough ones. She’s a lump of granite who found herself in this world full of diamonds, and pretending to belong is getting exhausting. There’s a difference between diamonds and rhinestones, she’s spent enough time with cheap kid’s jewelry to know. Diamonds are one of the strongest materials in existence, shiny and valuable all the way through, but rhinestones crack all the time. They’re plastic with a little fake metal underneath, and once people learn to see through the act, the splintered, dusty chunks cease to be valued. 

(later she confesses this theory of human interaction to Casey who cackles for at least five minutes – a highly unnecessary length of time – and shakes her head with a resounding, “No way. People aren’t rocks, or broken jewelry, and you’re awesome. Anyone who doesn’t realize that sucks.” And Izzie might care about that reaction, might be upset by Casey’s apparent dismissal, except that Casey doesn’t do things to be mean, and she might be right and maybe they’re all just people, and then she smiles a “thank you for telling me, because I really like knowing you” and then pulls Izzie down on top of her, and that’s when Izzie decides to stop pretending to be someone she’s not.) (which isn’t that scary, because Casey knows her, really, really well, and she’s still here so that must mean something. Casey makes everything better.)


End file.
